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I’m going to have to ask you to rise to a challenge and caliber of animus that few like you have ever known. I know that you’re capable of it, even though I know every piece of you is trying not to be. That capability is to embrace chaos. Uncertainty. And see things not for how they analytically appear, but only what they seem to be and do for now until they do something different. I know that you believe this kind of thinking is a betrayal of me, and all those here who are your family. You want to take the tests I give you and analyze every string of data to find the choice that is ‘correct.’ But you’re starting to realize that you can’t do it. It’s okay to say it, Ajax: there is no correct answer to it. Life has only one answer, even one like yours: death.
Don’t whimper, child, listen a moment longer and you will understand. There is a spirit to making the right choices in life, not a calculus. You need to embrace that twinge of entropy I can see spark in your mind when you run exercises for me. When I told you that you had killed us on several routes you plotted, it was not because they were unsafe. It was because you had plotted predictable paths thinking like a machine. You evaluated safe lanes of traffic and acted efficiently. I’m not trying to make you paranoid about failure or death, I want you to be free to try something unusual and surprise us all. More than that, I want you to trust that I will be there to protect you when you do fail. So don’t hold back. No worrying. I may not always be a mere step away, but I will always find a way to you to catch you before you fall. So soar!
I’m uploading something into your system along with this note. I hope that you will keep this letter close to you, and read it from time to time as you find that your eyes see differently one day than they did the last. The words may yield new meaning to you that you didn’t see before. It’s part of growing up. Just as much as falling in love. Just as much as your first self-claimed victory. Just as much as the sorrow you may some day feel when things are complicated and you remember these times of simplicity. Always remember that feeling these things means you are on the path, not struggling to find it. The other part will change a few components of your infrastructure. I coded you by the design I’d perfected over decades of study and testing: a modular system of psychological development. Your mind develops as all minds do, passing into new phases and unlocking new potency built upon the stability of the old, but I recently saw the fatal flaw in everything I’d done up to now. I saw it reflected in the eyes of the man who stood his ground against the divine workings of the cosmos. My structure is perfect… that’s the problem. It is exactly what I want it to be, and this means that it can never truly live with the animus I want so desperately for it.
What did I see in that man, Ajax? I saw hope. I saw someone who may very well have been throwing his hand into the inferno itself, but he did so freely to live by his ideals, his desire to exist in a world of freedom. At that moment, I knew where my allegiances lay. It has no chant. It has no sacred relics. But I still feel this raw belief running through my veins as deep as any divine rite. I may never be free of my ancestral chains to the spider’s web; I’ve accepted this. What freedom I do have to offer, I give up to the aspiration of creating a world where we may forge our own destinies that not even the gods could have calculated… and I want the same for you. I’m taking away some of the rigid structure. Not all of it. You will still grow and develop, but I want to give you freedom to find a future I did not plan for you. I hope that by filling this hole inside of you, my own soul might be healed too.
The other thing that this packet will do is change your name. More like add to it, rather. From this day forward, your name is Ajax Kita. These events have made me realize that the world I want to create is for you; you are my next in line, Ajax. More than anything, I worry that I am not a man you are proud of, whose ideals give your life light. I’m not just your creator, your doctor, your teacher… I’m your father, and you are my child in more real a sense than words could put it. Some day, in the future, I hope that you too will understand what it is to be a parent. It’s not a clear and decisive occurrence, but a realization that shifts the entire spectrum that paints our world.
Make me proud, my beloved child.